Wednesday, 20 March 2013

I use energy when I play netball

Beans Moment (Energy)
WALT choose words that describe a moment for the reader

  • begin in the action
  • present tense (I am, not I was)
  • short, sharp sentences
  • uses the senses (smell, taste, look, hear, touch)
  • strong verbs

The day  I play on that frosty morning
I stand in the middle of the court. The wind blows rapidly it is like I am court in a dust storm. I am in my position. Then there goes the whistle. I am in wing attack and I am getting passed the ball.I jump up to catch the ball. I get it. I bound it to the person beside me and a big girl from the other team that we are playing. She jumped and swamp!!! She smacked the ball with hand and the ball went flying across  the court and into the hand of my hands. After a long time that felt forever the whistle blew for half time. I saw fresh juicy oranges for our team . Yum Yum  Yum. Then my coach shouts trying to be heard over  the crowd Bree yours is center. I  love to play center.  I can smell hot chips from across the road. It gives me a boost of energy. For the rest of the game I play my best for thinking that we are going to win. All of a sudden the whistle blows and the  game  is done. The score is 9 12. Well done you guys says my coach. You won. My mum comes and gives me a great big hug and after we have done doing the player of the day we go home.



  1. I liked it how you designed it your looks great.well done.

  2. nice short sharp sentences and great puncuation

  3. I love netball to Bree. It gives me lots of energy when I want to win and help my team win to .
    well done:)

  4. Awesome writing Bree, I like how you have been creative and done well. Who got player of the day, I bet it was you.

  5. Awesome Breezee!
    i love how you said that the oranges gave you a boost.
    I love the little picture at the end.
    Well done:-)

    1. Thank's Hannah
      I like that bit too
      When the oranges gave me a boost

  6. Cool Bree nice writing I love the net ball drawing did you draw the net ball?

  7. Awesome story Bree it has a lot of Detail and excitement,and the picture that you did really stands out.
    Well Done!!!

  8. Wow Bree I really like your netball you draw

  9. To Bree
    In your dreams bree Netball isn't cool but your story is. You showed determination in that it was awesome.
    From Henry

  10. You really used strong verbs to capture the moment. Well done, Bree!

  11. Awesome Bree I really like your strong verbs.
    Well done

  12. That's an awesome story. I think your pictures look super cool.


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